Army of Dog

As it becomes more and more apparent that John McCain will try to paint himself as the truly “bipartisan” candidate, I begin to ask myself “Is it possible that the Democrats’ attempt to paint McCain as ‘too conservative’ may actually help him?”  I ask that because reading this breathless Huffington Post article about McCain’s tax plan actually made me feel good about his candidacy for the first time since I last muttered the words “First Lady of the United States Michelle Obama” quietly to myself.  Whoever Jared Bernstein is, he’s apparently shitting himself over the prospect of a McCain victory in November, in no small part because of the Republican’s evil secret plan to actually cut back the growth of government.

I hold in my hand one of the most important pieces of paper in America: Table T08-0071, an analysis of candidate John McCain’s tax plan.

OK, it’s not really in my hand because I’m typing, but I’m looking at it carefully, and you should too. It is a table constructed by the Tax Policy Center’s steely-eyed tax analysts, and it reveals nothing less than McCain’s secret plan to diminish the US government beyond recognition. If he gets his way, conservatives will finally be able to say they’ve achieved the goal set out by Grover Norquist: to get government “down to the size where we can drown it in the bathtub.”

 

Don’t fucking tease me Jared.  So help me, if you’re getting me all excited with Norquist quotes and the threat of unemployed federal bureaucrats just to let me down, I’ll go out and shoot an endangered species, I swear to God.

No wait, it gets better:

Plus, he can’t fill the hole he’s dug with cuts in these programs either, which leads you to the inevitable punch line of all this: his target is the entitlements, Social Security and Medicare. Those programs have always been the big enchiladas for the Norquist shock troops and they’ve never recovered from their Social Security privatization defeat. Well, they’re back, incognito.

Again, I don’t know or care who the fuck Jared Bernstein is, but evidently he failed Political Science 101.  You know, the part about “when your opponent is busy pissing off his base, don’t fucking help him by talking about his plan to carve up government programs they hate.”  But what do you expect from a guy whose biography tells us the he has a PhD in “social welfare.”  No shit, they’re giving out doctoral degrees in social welfare now.