Army of Dog

In what is no doubt a worldwide plot by the seemingly harmless stingray population to avenge the rape of Mother Nature by evil, SUV-driving humans, a 55-year-old woman was killed while sunbathing on a boat off the coast of Florida.

MARATHON, Fla. (AP) - Officials say a woman died in the Florida Keys after a stingray jumped out of the water and struck her upper body.

The spotted eagle ray had hit the 55-year-old woman while she was in a boat Thursday. Officials say she was hit in the face or neck.

It’s not clear whether the animal’s barb struck the Michigan woman, or if the impact killed her.

Spotted eagle rays can grow up to 17 feet in length and weigh up to 500 pounds.

They are known to occasionally jump out of the water but are not aggressive.

First Steve Irwin, now this. Al Gore tried to warn us, but you people didn’t want to listen. Well who’s laughing now… that’s right, the stingrays are laughing.