Army of Dog

So it seems that Hannah Montana did a photo shoot with Annie Leibovitz for Vanity Fair and at least one picture contained implied nudity. Yes, I think that photographs involving 15-year-olds should avoid even implied nudity, yes I think that goes double when the 15-year-old is a near demi-goddess to tweeners everywhere, but please forgive me if I can’t manufacture outrage. Really, the idea that any parent of a preteen girl has the right to be surprised at this is laughable.

Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Lindsay Lohan, is any of this starting to seem familiar. Frankly, Miley Cyrus will be doing well by those standards if she isn’t appearing three times a night at the Spearmint Rhino in five years. We’ve turned teen stardom into a proving ground for oversexed, alcoholic, twenty-something disasters. I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news here, but that seemingly innocent teenage girl that your 11-year-old daughter wants to emulate is going to be naked on film somewhere in the next three to five years. It’s pretty much a certainty. She’s going to reach an age where being pigeonholed as an innocent teenage girl is going to interfere with her plans for her future career. When that happens, someone is going to convince her that getting naked on screen or in a photo session will break her out of that mold. One day Anne Hathaway is doing Ella Enchanted and The Princess Diaries, the next she’s topless in the backseat of a convertible blowing some douchebag. You have no right to be surprised at this by now. I’ve seen dogs figure out a pattern with less repetition.

Just in case you need a more visual demonstration of the express lane to whoredom that is the modern teen pop superstar, follow me below the fold for a pictorial journey through time.

*** Fair Warning, the pictures below are Not Safe for Work.***

*** Really, there are exposed breasts and everything. Turn back now. ***

Click here to skip the naughty bits

Christina Aguilera:

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Britney Spears:

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Lindsay Lohan

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And Vanessa Hudgens:

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So what have we learned here. Yes, the sexualization of teenage girls for entertainment is sad. Yes, the fact that young girls are being let down by their idols is disappointing, but the idea that we go through this time and again and feign outrage is ridiculous. It’s yet another reason why I’m glad that I don’t have teenage daughters, because I am definitely not cut out for dealing with this shit either. You have my utmost sympathy and respect if you’re raising girls in these times, but I think we can all agree that anticipating these kinds of problems isn’t exactly difficult nowadays.