Army of Dog

If you can read this article about the recommendations of a United Nations panel of “experts” regarding the rising cost of food and figure out what the fuck they actually propose doing, you’re a better person than I am. The article goes on for paragraph after paragraph about how the evil “rich” countries are failing to provide cheap food to Africa and other “poor” parts of the world, and in the same breath they’re whining about the need for reduced environmental impact. But make sure you don’t use biofuels, because those are a “crime against humanity.”

“Modern agriculture will have to change radically if the international community wants to cope with growing populations and climate change, while avoiding social fragmentation and irreversible deterioration of the environment,” said Salvatore Arico, a biodiversity specialist with the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization, or Unesco, summarizing the report by about 400 experts.

The report tries to provide a comprehensive view on how to produce food that is less dependent on fossil fuels; favors locally available resources, natural fertilizers and traditional seeds; and tries to preserve the soil and water supply.

You see, the problem is that feeding the poor is a good thing as long as it doesn’t have a negative impact on the environment. If getting food to them requires the use of evil fossil fuels, then the bastards should just have the decency to starve.

We’ve had pretty cheap food prices for decades now, and then some jackass had the bright idea to start shoving ears of corn into our gas tanks. Now we have $5-per-bushel corn and every other agricultural commodity is going through the roof.

India and China are developing at an incredible rate and chewing up more and more of the food supply, and yet these dorks are proposing that we abandon the agricultural advances of the last hundred years that have allowed us to feed the world. All because feeding starving Africans might finally be having a negative impact on the cause célèbre of the international jet set. It’s a crisis people and we need to release a report by a panel of “experts” that gives conflicting advice so that we can start getting something done!

In other words, they want money. It’s a really solid rule that when lefties start pitching a fit about something, no matter what the issue, they want your money. At some point I wish they would have the common decency to just go ahead and rob us at gunpoint. At least then I could feel like they put some work into it.

Michelle Malkin highlights this story from the campus of Marquette University.

The whole exchange got started with a class discussion of supposed “over criminalization,” the notion that government outlaws too many things, resulting in a lack of respect for the law. It then moved to a discussion of how police supposedly abuse their powers, using traffic laws as a “pretext” to stop drivers in order to, for example, search for drugs.

At this point the student, Greg Karge, chimed in to point out that police often bear the brunt of this disrespect for the law, mentioning an incident he had seen. An Hispanic who was pulled over proceeded to abuse the cops, calling them “racist.”

In spite of the fact that race was explicitly part of the context of the discussion, Snow objected to the mention of the driver’s ethnicity trying to, according to Karge, “stop me in the middle of my comment, trying to give me a wave” and then saying “why did you bring that up?” Another student remembers Snow saying “Greg, this is offensive, we have a diverse group in the room.” Another student said of Snow’s response “it surprised me because I personally didn’t find his response offensive.”

So a philosophy professor begins a discussion that most likely devolved quickly into a slightly more highbrow version of “Fuck tha Police.” One of her students, who is presumably not of the leftist, all-cops-are-racist-pigs, “Free Mumia” school of thought, had the unmitigated temerity to suggest that perhaps the cops have a very difficult and dangerous job that the vast majority of them do very well and with and incredible amount of patience and restraint. The racist little bastard was, of course, forced to apologize.

After class Snow took Karge aside and told him that his comments “could have been interpreted as offensive,” mentioning especially offense to black students. She “suggested” to him that he should write an apology to the black students. Instead, he wrote the apology to the entire class. It read as follows:

I would just like to apologize for any of my comments that I said today that may have offended anyone, that was not my intention by any means. I did not articulate my argument the way that I wanted to, but that is no excuse if I did accidentally offend anyone I would like to explain myself [and] deeply apologize.

I’m going to give Mr. Karge a break on his use of the non-apology apology because he should never have written the damn thing in the first place. In an ideal world, the professor would have been told, publicly, that no such apology was necessary, none was forthcoming, and if she found that unsatisfactory, she could kiss his ass. Unfortunately, not everyone is capable of the cavalier attitude towards one’s academic well-being that I managed to master during my college years. So, in light of the fact that he was forced to apologize by his tenured toad of a professor, I would at least have hoped for something that went a little more like this:

I am profoundly sorry that my statements during today’s classroom discussion did not reflect a proper sensitivity for the feelings of criminals and lesbian college professors. I realize now that my lack of proper perspective no doubt caused grievous harm to the tradition of academic homogeneity to which the esteemed faculty of Marquette University have devoted their careers. In the future I will purpose to maintain, at all times, an attitude of humility and shame for the millenia of oppression that my white male ancestors have wrought upon the downtrodden of the world, and remember that all representatives of authority, no matter their race, are simply tools of that oppression.

In all seriousness, if you have kids approaching college age, just remember that you’ll be paying tens of thousands of dollars for the privilege of subjecting them to this shit. Meditate on that as you munch your corn flakes.

In the latest bid for Parent of the Year, a 19-year-old man stormed into his girlfriend’s workplace and began violently threatening her in an argument about how their young son would be raised. It seems that our heroes have strong opinions about which gang their son should claim as his own.

COMMERCE CITY, Colo. — A couple fighting about which gang their 4-year-old toddler should join caused a public disturbance that resulted in the father’s arrest, Commerce City police said Thursday.

On Saturday, Joseph Manzanares stormed into the Hollywood Video store where his girlfriend worked, threatened to kill her and knocked over several video displays and even a computer, Commerce City police Sgt. Joe Sandoval said.After he ran out of the store, police were called and the 19-year-old was arrested at his home.

His girlfriend told police that they had been arguing about the upbringing of their son and which gang he should belong to. The teen mother, who is black, is a member of the Crips. Manzanares is Hispanic and belongs to the Westside Ballers gang, the woman said.”They have different ideas on how the baby should be raised. Basically, she said they cannot agree on which gang the baby would ‘claim,’” Sandoval said.

I’m still not sold on mandatory sterilization for morons for practical reasons, but we’re getting there.

See-Dubya posted this over at Michelle’s site:

I left my 9-year-old at Bloomingdale’s (the original one) a couple weeks ago. Last seen, he was in first floor handbags as I sashayed out the door.

Bye-bye! Have fun!

And he did. He came home on the subway and bus by himself.

Was I worried? Yes, a tinge. But it didn’t strike me as that daring, either. Isn’t New York as safe now as it was in 1963? It’s not like we’re living in downtown Baghdad.

Anyway, for weeks my boy had been begging for me to please leave him somewhere, anywhere, and let him try to figure out how to get home on his own. So on that sunny Sunday I gave him a subway map, a MetroCard, a $20 bill, and several quarters, just in case he had to make a call.

No, I did not give him a cell phone. Didn’t want to lose it. And no, I didn’t trail him, like a mommy private eye. I trusted him to figure out that he should take the Lexington Avenue subway down, and the 34th Street crosstown bus home. If he couldn’t do that, I trusted him to ask a stranger. And then I even trusted that stranger not to think, “Gee, I was about to catch my train home, but now I think I’ll abduct this adorable child instead.”

Holy fuck, where do I start with this? The author is trying to make some obtuse point about the fact that people worry too much about horrible things happening to their kids at the hands of child molesters and the like. Perhaps a better way to illustrate that would be to write a column about how people worry too much about horrible things happening to their kids at the hands of child molesters and the like instead of letting your fucking nine-year-old ride the subway alone in New York! I’m wondering what this stupid bint has on tap for her next column. Maybe she can have the kid illustrate our unfounded fear of wild animals by dropping his ass in the tiger pen at the Bronx Zoo!

In the unlikely event that anyone reading this is enough of a retard to think this is a good idea, let me clear up a few things for you. One, while something may not be as statistically dangerous as people believe it is, there is such thing as tempting fate. Just ask Steve Irwin. Two, there is a concept called age-appropriate responsibility. Even if we assume that there is an age when a child can safely be trusted to make their way home unaccompanied on the subway, that age is not nine goddamn years old! And three, in the event that you are enough of an irresponsible dipshit to actually allow your kid to do this, it’s probably not a good idea to publicly rehash the whole incident. People get their kids taken away for less in this country, especially in the People’s Republic of New York.

I seriously doubt that anyone reading this is in short supply of reasons to hate the U.N., but just in case, here’s yet another one.

UNITED NATIONS (Reuters) - U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon on Friday condemned as “offensively anti-Islamic” a Dutch lawmaker’s film that accuses the Koran of inciting violence.

Ban acknowledged efforts by the government of the Netherlands to stop the broadcast of the film, which was launched by Islam critic Geert Wilders over the Internet, and appealed for calm to those “understandably offended by it.”

“There is no justification for hate speech or incitement to violence,” Ban said in a statement. “The right of free expression is not at stake here.”

Because by “free expression,” we actually mean “you’re free to say whatever you want unless the most hyper-sensitive group of third-world religious fanatics on the planet can somehow manage to take offense.” But wait, there’s more!

“Freedom must always be accompanied by social responsibility,” Ban said.

“We must also recognize that the real fault line is not between Muslim and Western societies, as some would have us believe, but between small minorities of extremists, on different sides, with a vested interest in stirring hostility and conflict,” Ban said.

I respectfully disagree, the fault line is between people who find it acceptable to saw the head off of a bound hostage with a dull knife and videotape it for propaganda or strap a bomb to their chest and blow up a school, and those of us who wish the other group dead. I think that’s a more accurate description of the societal fault line, but I’m just an Ugly American.

I have no doubt that you were crawling out of bed this morning, wiping the crust from the corner of your eyes, sitting down at your computer with your first cup of coffee, and saying in your own head “I hope Brett has trolled the dark reaches of the internet and found some ridiculous cocksucker that I would never have had the opportunity to know about otherwise.” Because I’m a giver, I present Myles L. Berman, professional douchebag.

I came across an ad for Myles, or as he introduces himself to the ladies, “Top Gun DUI Attorney,” while following a link from Drudge about one rich, famous guy possibly having a spat with another rich, famous guy over something I couldn’t possibly give a shit about. Myles is apparently hot shit in the world of people who can get you off when you get plastered and climb behind the wheel of your Escalade. In fact, you might say that Myles is to impaired alcoholics who refuse to designate a driver what Johnny Cochran was to black athletes who slit their ex-wife’s throat. Here’s the ad in question.

I don’t know if it’s the gay-porn-actor mustache or the smile of a man who knows his Sex Panther cologne is sure to have the ladies lining up for a little “Top Gun” action, but something about this man says “if you wake up hungover in a cell, give me a call.”

You may think that you have to go to Harvard Law to break into the prestigious world of DUI defense, but Myles is no elitist. He wants to bring his brand of drunk justice to lawyers of all backgrounds. That’s why he created the National Drunk Driving Defense Task Force. Now lawyers from non-Ivy-League schools can claw their way to the middle by becoming DUI defense attorneys.

By the way, I know you saw that “Friends don’t let friends plead guilty!” tag line and now you want to use it in conversation or on your business card. Well, you can’t, he trademarked that shit, and now it’s all his. What did your mother tell you about the early bird and the worm?

I like to troll the internet looking for morons, it’s a target-rich environment as they say. For example, someone writing a letter to the editor arguing that being armed makes one more likely to be attacked.

Re: “I now have a fighting chance,” by Lawrence Bradford, Thursday Letters.

Mr. Bradford writes in support of the “castle law” that, in his 40 years of living in Texas, he’s been shot at and threatened several times. He also offers the fact he’s now almost always armed.

As a nearly 45-year-old native Texan, I can say with a straight face that I’ve never been shot at. Then again, I’m never armed.

I can’t help but wonder if there’s any correlation between always being armed and finding oneself the target of attack.

Melody Townsel, Dallas

To be fair, she didn’t actually argue anything, she just insinuated it in the most condescending manner she could come up with. No support of her claim except the anecdotal evidence of her own experience. This is why I love blogs, if she had posted something like this on a public forum or blog, I could immediately respond with scorn, derision, and possibly a fancy argument to thwart hers. When it shows up in a newspaper, all I can do is blog about it or go out and punch a hippie to make myself feel better. The hippie is in the corner crying.

And yes, the Melody Townsel who wrote the letter is probably this woman:

WASHINGTON — The Bush administration’s nominee to be ambassador to the United Nations once threw a file folder and a tape dispenser at an American businesswoman in Moscow, disparaged her weight and alleged she was gay in an attempt to get her to withdraw criticism of a foreign-aid project, the woman said Wednesday.

In a telephone interview, Melody Townsel, who heads her own public relations firm in Dallas, discussed allegations she made in a letter to the Senate Foreign Relations Committee before the panel began confirmation hearings on John Bolton, who was until recently the State Department’s top diplomat for arms control.

Bolton’s nomination is in jeopardy because of last-minute objections by Sen. George Voinovich, R-Ohio, who told the committee Tuesday that allegations about Bolton’s behavior suggest he does not meet standards of propriety appropriate for such an important position. Faced with objections from Voinovich and at least two other Republican senators, the committee agreed to postpone a vote on Bolton’s nomination until next month.

She writes letters to the Dallas Morning News on a pretty regular basis, all with a left-wing slant to them. All of this means that we were denied the continued service of the most effective UN ambassador in history by a fucking idiot. Swell.

Maybe I would if I suspected, even for a moment, that most of these ant-war morons actually gave a damn about the Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines in harm’s way. Some of them certainly do, but most of them seem to be living a self-centered fantasy world where barbarians who saw the heads off their hostages are simply a product of disagreement with U.S. foreign policy. That, and they’re attention whores. Case in point:

Chicago Police Arrest Six Iraq War Protesters for Squirting Fake Blood on Easter Churchgoers

Six Iraq war protesters disrupted an Easter Mass on Sunday, shouting and squirting fake blood on themselves and parishioners in a packed auditorium.

Three men and three women startled the crowd during Cardinal Francis George’s homily, yelling “Even the Pope calls for peace” as they were removed from the Mass by security guards and ushers.

One Mass attendee, Mike Wainscott of Chicago, yelled at the anti-war protesters.

“Are you happy with yourselves?” he said. “There were kids in there. You scared little kids with your selfish act. Are you happy now?”

The group, which calls itself Catholic Schoolgirls Against the War, said in a statement after the arrests that they targeted the Holy Name Cathedral on Easter to reach a large audience, including Chicago’s most prominent Catholic citizens and the press, which usually covers the services.

Kevin Clark of International Solidarity Movement told the Chicago Tribune that he attended the Mass to serve as a witness for the protesters.

“If Cardinal George is a man of peace and is walking the walk and talking the talk, he should have confronted George Bush and demanded an immediate end to the war,” Clark said.

Let me make something clear, if you run into a room that I happen to occupy and start throwing any substance on people that is even remotely suspect, I’m going to chase you down and knock the shit out of you. It’s my policy.

Now that we have that bit of information out of the way, let me ask an honest question. Other than bringing attention to themselves or their stupid little group, what could these protesters possibly hope to accomplish with this kind of childish shit? Do they really think that a single person would change their position on the most significant issue of current American foreign policy based on retards throwing blood during an Easter service? Furthermore, if they really believe that Iraqis are dying by America’s hand, is using that sad reality to gain attention for themselves not a ghoulish act of self-promotion?

I strongly suspect the reality is that the morons don’t possess enough capacity for self-examination to feel any shame about this kind of stunt. Besides, aside from anti-war protests and vegan conferences, how are poor pasty white guys with bad hygiene supposed to get laid?

Anarchists are dickheads. It’s a universal trait. Every time I see some black-clad, bandanna-wearing, pimple-faced pack of idiots talking about “resistance” and “direct-action,” I start praying that they will actually one day have to live in a state of widespread anarchy. In a truly anarchist environment, these are precisely the people who would wind up lying in a ditch with a bullet in their forehead first.

(found via Michelle Malkin)

Oklahoma Republican State Representative Sally Kern finds herself the subject of some controversy after a Youtube clip surfaced in which she compared the “homosexual agenda” unfavorably with terrorism. I’m well aware that the whole “gay people want to turn our children into showtune-humming queers” line plays really well with a certain portion of the Republican base, and I’m prepared to live with that in the same way that I can live with the “evolution is an atheist conspiracy” bullshit. Could we possibly avoid the kind of scare-mongering where we compare the rise of Queer Eye with the new Muslim fanatic trend of sawing the heads off of infidels on videotape? It would really be a big help, and you can’t imagine how much the rest of us would appreciate not having to hear this kind of thing thrown in our face during a conversation about the virtues of free-market capitalism. Trust me, when a liberal starts losing an argument, this kind of shit is the final salvo. It’s getting really old.

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