Army of Dog

Our Lord and Savior Senator Obama lied through his pearly whites about a questionnaire that he filled out in 1996.

During his first run for elected office, Barack Obama played a greater role than his aides now acknowledge in crafting liberal stands on gun control, the death penalty and abortion — positions that appear at odds with the more moderate image he has projected during his presidential campaign.

The evidence comes from an amended version of an Illinois voter group’s detailed questionnaire, filed under his name during his 1996 bid for a state Senate seat.

Late last year, in response to a Politico story about Obama’s answers to the original questionnaire, his aides said he “never saw or approved” the questionnaire.

They asserted the responses were filled out by a campaign aide who “unintentionally mischaracterize[d] his position.”

But a Politico examination determined that Obama was actually interviewed about the issues on the questionnaire by the liberal Chicago nonprofit group that issued it. And it found that Obama — the day after sitting for the interview — filed an amended version of the questionnaire, which appears to contain Obama’s own handwritten notes added to one answer.

Now we have him dead to rights! He is betrayed by his own hand! Blah, blah, blah, who gives a shit. Perhaps I’m cynical, but somehow I don’t see the legions of Obamaniacs suddenly becoming disillusioned because their sainted leader “misspoke” about whether or not he saw a questionnaire from ten years ago.

I could certainly be wrong, but it seems to me that half of Obama’s supporters would still vote for him if video surfaced showing him having a three-way with Al Sharpton and a goat. The other half get most of their news from The Daily Show and really like the idea that voting for the black guy makes them ahead of their time.

I seriously doubt that anyone reading this is in short supply of reasons to hate the U.N., but just in case, here’s yet another one.

UNITED NATIONS (Reuters) - U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon on Friday condemned as “offensively anti-Islamic” a Dutch lawmaker’s film that accuses the Koran of inciting violence.

Ban acknowledged efforts by the government of the Netherlands to stop the broadcast of the film, which was launched by Islam critic Geert Wilders over the Internet, and appealed for calm to those “understandably offended by it.”

“There is no justification for hate speech or incitement to violence,” Ban said in a statement. “The right of free expression is not at stake here.”

Because by “free expression,” we actually mean “you’re free to say whatever you want unless the most hyper-sensitive group of third-world religious fanatics on the planet can somehow manage to take offense.” But wait, there’s more!

“Freedom must always be accompanied by social responsibility,” Ban said.

“We must also recognize that the real fault line is not between Muslim and Western societies, as some would have us believe, but between small minorities of extremists, on different sides, with a vested interest in stirring hostility and conflict,” Ban said.

I respectfully disagree, the fault line is between people who find it acceptable to saw the head off of a bound hostage with a dull knife and videotape it for propaganda or strap a bomb to their chest and blow up a school, and those of us who wish the other group dead. I think that’s a more accurate description of the societal fault line, but I’m just an Ugly American.

I found this over at Grandma’s House.

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Evidently it measures the number of naughty words on your blog and gives it as a percentage. The thing claims that 14.9% of the pages on this site contain cuss words. I call bullshit. There’s no way in hell it’s that low, and if it is, I’m disappointed with myself. Just in case, here’s an extra one.

cocksucker

My days of hanging around strip clubs are long behind me, but I was happy to read this article in the local paper.

A state district judge struck down a state fee on patrons of strip clubs Friday, invalidating a measure designed to raise money for sexual assault victims and people without health insurance.

Travis County Judge Scott Jenkins called the $5 cover charge – which state lawmakers passed overwhelmingly last year – unconstitutional, and said it taxed “expression that, while politically unpopular, is nevertheless protected by the First Amendment.”

Attorney General Greg Abbott, representing the state, plans to “vigorously appeal” the ruling, a spokesman said. And at least one Dallas club owner said she’s not ready to go out and celebrate.

“The rest of them are ready to throw a big party, but I don’t think this is over,” said Dawn Rizos, who owns the Lodge, an upscale Dallas club. “They’re going to rewrite it, and eventually it will pass.”

Rizos is exactly right, the bastards in Austin (most of them Republicans) will keep reworking this until they get a judge to sign off. When it works, the Republicans will go back to their districts and assure their constituents that children are safe from exposed boobies and the Democrats will trumpet their aid to victimized women and the uninsured.

I’ve known enough women who worked at these establishments to have a pretty strong distaste for the people who run them and most of the people who frequent them. That fact doesn’t mitigate my opposition to the “fee.” In the same sense that one does not have to like smoking to oppose increases in the cigarette tax.

The problem with public acceptance of these laws is that it sends the message that it’s ok to tax things the majority of the people don’t approve of in order to fund things they do. Providing services for sexual assault victims is something most people will get behind, and the people behind this law know it.

Officials with the Texas Association Against Sexual Assault, which helped craft the measure, said they are very disappointed by the decision but intend to rework the bill when lawmakers return to Austin in January.

“This is not the end of the adult entertainment fee or of our goal of providing comprehensive sexual assault-related services to Texans,” spokeswoman Karen Amacker said.

In case I need to bring this idea a little closer to home, imagine a day where the majority of people are opposed to the exercise of Second Amendment rights and lawmakers decide that they can get away with an onerous “ammunition tax” or a mandatory five dollar fee for entry to the local gun range.

I will concede however that I generally find the “getting naked for tips is a First Amendment right” argument to be more than a little lacking. I would much rather see a law like this get repealed because enough right-minded people see it for what it is, a way to raise taxes on a small segment of the population to gain the favor of a larger segment that disapproves of them.

The Tank Cartridge, 120mm, Canister, XM1028, is a tank round comprised of 1150 (est.) tungsten balls, which are expelled upon muzzle exit. There is no fuse on this round. While the dispersion pattern increases with range as the velocity of the balls decreases, the dense tungsten balls are used to minimize the velocity fall-off

Yet another reason why messing with the US Armed Forces is such a bad idea.

(found via Ernie’s House of Whoop Ass, a very NSFW site)

In keeping with my stated goal from my earlier post (this is sooooo NSFW) :

I have no doubt that you were crawling out of bed this morning, wiping the crust from the corner of your eyes, sitting down at your computer with your first cup of coffee, and saying in your own head “I hope Brett has trolled the dark reaches of the internet and found some ridiculous cocksucker that I would never have had the opportunity to know about otherwise.” Because I’m a giver, I present Myles L. Berman, professional douchebag.

I came across an ad for Myles, or as he introduces himself to the ladies, “Top Gun DUI Attorney,” while following a link from Drudge about one rich, famous guy possibly having a spat with another rich, famous guy over something I couldn’t possibly give a shit about. Myles is apparently hot shit in the world of people who can get you off when you get plastered and climb behind the wheel of your Escalade. In fact, you might say that Myles is to impaired alcoholics who refuse to designate a driver what Johnny Cochran was to black athletes who slit their ex-wife’s throat. Here’s the ad in question.

I don’t know if it’s the gay-porn-actor mustache or the smile of a man who knows his Sex Panther cologne is sure to have the ladies lining up for a little “Top Gun” action, but something about this man says “if you wake up hungover in a cell, give me a call.”

You may think that you have to go to Harvard Law to break into the prestigious world of DUI defense, but Myles is no elitist. He wants to bring his brand of drunk justice to lawyers of all backgrounds. That’s why he created the National Drunk Driving Defense Task Force. Now lawyers from non-Ivy-League schools can claw their way to the middle by becoming DUI defense attorneys.

By the way, I know you saw that “Friends don’t let friends plead guilty!” tag line and now you want to use it in conversation or on your business card. Well, you can’t, he trademarked that shit, and now it’s all his. What did your mother tell you about the early bird and the worm?

Q: Why are your posts so sporadic?

A: I run a brick-and-mortar business so my spare time tends to vacillate between sparse and non-existent. I generally post when there’s something I should be doing that I really want to avoid.

Q: Did you expect anyone to read this blog when you started it?

A: Yes. I posted my first couple of entries and then set in motion a cunning plan to have the coolest blogger on the entire internet link to me within the first 24 hours. It was executed to perfection.

Q: Seriously?

A: No.

Q: What do you hope to accomplish with your blog?

A: I hope that I can offer my unique insight on political issues of the day and amuse people with my wry humor, but mainly I want to see the realization of my lifelong dream to bring the word “cocksucker” into the mainstream of American political discourse. For example:

Senator Obama: I believe that we are facing a unique opportunity to heal the deep wounds of our past and begin a journey to a united America ready to face the challenges that lay before us.

Senator Clinton: That sounds wonderful, but I think the real question on the minds of Americans is why you still maintain your relationship with that racist cocksucker who pastored your church for twenty years?

Q: Why “Army of Dog?”

A: Because it’s hard to get links for a blog called “Army of Cocksucker.”

for this.  Book them on one count of felony creeping me the fuck out.

that the prolonged Democratic Primary will ultimately hurt McCain because the media will focus on Obama and Hillary and the ultimate nominee from that contest will benefit from the attention. At least that’s what I heard him say a few weeks ago when he appeared as an analyst on some cable news show. Now let me tell you why Karl is full of shit.

The attention these two candidates are getting consists of racist pastors, a wife who can’t keep her mouth shut, and verifiably bullshit stories of sniper dodging. By the time these two get finished running this primary, John McCain is going to be the shiniest turd in modern political history and the only thing he’ll have to do is keep his mouth shut and tour foreign countries.